Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We were destined to go to rehab together
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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