1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
