He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
