i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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