I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
