Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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