yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
