I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize