I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
