Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
