So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
