Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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