I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
