I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
