Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
