I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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