why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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