I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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