i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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