Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
