Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
