What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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