Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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