so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
