The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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