Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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