I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
