i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
