I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
