I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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