All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
