Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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