My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
