She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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