oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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