I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
