How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
