textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
