If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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