We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
