haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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