btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize