in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize