I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
birth control should be required to get into college
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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