i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Everclear isn't food dammit
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize