I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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