I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
