She is in my trunk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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