Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
