Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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