I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
