sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
