I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
