Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
