I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
