just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
