i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All I want is dick and wine.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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