There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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