I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
sarcasm needs its own font
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
