Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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