I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
