Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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