I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
