I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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