Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize