I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
